Dating in your 30s is a totally different ball game when compared to dating in your 20s.
The playing field is often a little narrower, and you’re probably carrying a little bit more baggage. It’s also highly likely that you have fewer single friends; so there’s almost more pressure to find a relationship. If you’re recently single, or if you’ve just entered your 30s and are beginning to notice how dating has changed — you’re at the right place!
Here are 12 Important Things To Remember When Dating in Your 30s:
Know Exactly What You Want
If you hadn’t realized it before, when you reach your 30s, you start to feel like you want more in a partner. More than just someone who drives a nice car. More than someone who can just afford to wine and dine you at fancy restaurants every night of the week. Depending on your personality, maybe you need someone who can tell you when you need to relax. Maybe you need someone who can hold their own and have a conversation with your friends and family without you having to be around. Maybe you’re wanting a partner who is willing to teach you new things.
If you have never really thought about exactly what you’re looking for in a partner, then you need to figure that out so you can find someone who is right for you! Take out a pen and a piece of paper, and write down the names of the last few people you dated. Next to each name, list the top 5 things you liked about each of them, and the top 4 things you strongly disliked about them. You’ll most likely notice that there are a few similarities on the list.
The top qualities that you liked about your exes are the things you should be looking for in your next relationship.
Let Go of the Past
Almost every single person in their 30s has gone through some kind of heartbreak in their lives — whether it’s ghosting, cheating, or the death of a loved one. Now, though, it’s time to leave the past in the past. A first, second, or third date with someone is not really a perfect time to complain about how your ex cheated on you for three years and you didn’t realize it until a sneaky photo was sent to you from a friend. Uh, did someone say “drama”? That’s enough to scare anybody off.
Let it go! Everyone has skeletons in their closets. It’s true that your past has shaped who you are today — but understand that it’s not your present and it’s not your future. Rather focus on what’s happening in your life right now, and look towards the direction you’re heading in next.
Focus on Having Fun
In your 30s, it’s all too easy to get caught up thinking about all the things you don’t have yet. You haven’t met “the one”, you’re not married yet, you don’t live in an amazing house, and you don’t have children. Knowing and wanting all of these things is fine, but grilling every person you date to see if they have what it takes to meet your expectations is 100% not.
Focus on having fun! Start off by genuinely getting to know the person first. Regardless of your age, there’s no point in being in a relationship if you’re not having fun! Dating shouldn’t feel like a chore, and it definitely shouldn’t be solemn and depressing. A relationship should bring joy, laughter, and love — no matter how old you are!
Let Your Guard Down
After having gone through countless unsuccessful relationships, a natural defense mechanism for many is to put their guard up. Their mentality is something like, “If I don’t let anyone in, then I won’t get hurt, right?” Wrong.
If you don’t let anybody in, you won’t end up finding the perfect person for you. When the time is right and you’ve met someone who is mutually into you — let your guard down. Show your vulnerability. If that makes you feel nervous or anxious, assure yourself that absolutely everything will be okay.
Age is Just a Number
Does age really matter? Not as much as people once made it out to! Regardless of how old the respective partners are, a relationship will work well if the two people are madly in love and mutually support one another. If you have a great time together, and neither of you can imagine a world without the other in it — your relationship is working!
Age-gaps in relationships are really not a taboo topic these days. There are even dating sites like RichMeetBeautiful that are specifically designed for these kinds of relationships.
If you are dating someone where there is a considerable age-gap between the two of you, this article can help you navigate the process!
Don’t Be Cynical or Bitter
When you’re in your 30s, it’s a lot easier to become a jaded and bitter person. Why is this the case? Probably because so many of your past relationships haven’t worked out, so you might start believing that it’s never going to happen for you.
It’s crucial not to let this kind of negative thinking get the better of you. If you believe it’s never going to happen — then it won’t! You truly have to be positive, guys. When you meet someone new, give them a chance. Being a cynic will never land you your soulmate.
Get Rid of Your Divorce Misconceptions
One of the advantages of dating someone who has been divorced is that they’ve (hopefully) learned a lot from their previous marriage; useful lessons they can apply to a new relationship.
When it comes to discussing their marriage, don’t be too pushy and interrogative at the beginning. When they’re ready to talk about what happened, they will do so at the right time.
If you, yourself, have been divorced; check out dating sites like NextLove. They’re tailored specifically for single and divorced people looking for a second chance at love.
Stop Wasting Time
If you’re really not into someone, stop talking to them, stop texting with them, and stop seeing them. Life is too short, guys. You only get this one life! Wouldn’t you rather get a good night of sleep than be out partying with a person you’re just not that into?
Don’t Settle (But Stop Looking for Perfection)
As I mentioned in the previous point, no one should settle for a partner who they’re only “kind of” into. If you do, the relationship won’t be healthy; and it definitely won’t last.
Having said that, you shouldn’t be waiting around for Prince Charming to show up on a horse and carriage either! Nobody is perfect; so you need to be willing and prepared to compromise.
Communication Is Key
Good communication skills are fundamental to all relationships. When you’re dating in your 30s, you should be able to talk to your partner openly and honestly; and vice versa. Run into your very first fight? Talk things out maturely. If you’re not communicating well early on in the relationship, things won’t magically get better as the relationship progresses.
Trust Your Gut Instinct
If you have a gut instinct or feeling about a person — trust it. Always listen to what your intuition is telling you. If there seems to be something that’s telling you they’re not right, then they’re probably not.
Just Do You
Never pretend to be somebody that you’re not. The real you will always come out sooner or later; so rather just be yourself from the start. Own exactly who you are. Nothing is more attractive than someone who is comfortable in their own skin!