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Relationships

14 Signs You’re in A Toxic Relationship

A marriage, or even a relationship, is a commitment. But just like anything else in life — it doesn’t always work out the way you had initially envisioned. If things start to deteriorate, it can often be easy to ignore all the red flags of a toxic marriage; purely because of how badly you want to “make things work” or make your relationship last.

 

You may try to rationalise the first signs as normal; because let’s be real, the perfect relationship does not exist. It’s also not easy to admit to something as important as one’s marriage being in turmoil. It’s also important to draw a line between imperfections you’re willing to live with or possibly even work on, and those you are not. If you don’t address these kinds of problems soon enough, they can start to snowball.

 

If you’re worried that your relationship might beat risk, you need to start seriously paying attention to the warning signs that could be in front of you. These signs are often subtle signs, but they very clearly indicate that you and your spouse might be living in a toxic marriage or relationship.

 

 

1. Your Spouse is Not 100% Present When Communicating with You

 

 

Communication, communication, communication! Yes — great communication is vital for a healthy relationship. If your spouse is constantly overthrowing your efforts to engage in an intentional dialogue, don’t brush things off. A sure sign of a toxic marriage is when your spouse tries to multitask every time you wish to have a serious conversation with them. It might indicate that they don’t genuinely care about whatever it is you have to say.

 

 

2. You’re Always Flaunting How Amazing Your Relationship is on Social Media

 

 

If you can’t stop boasting about your relationship on your social media accounts, you could subconsciously be trying to overcompensate for being in a toxic marriage. Make sure that you’re not doing such things from a place of insecurity. 

 

 

3. You’re Pursuing Friendships Your Partner Knows Nothing About

 

 

Having your own personal life outside of your relationship is an integral part of maintaining a healthy marriage; and while there’s zero no harm in both you and your partner having your own group of friends, if you’re consistently pursuing new friendships that your spouse is unaware of, this could be a sign of a deeper problem in your marriage.

 

 

4. Your Entire Lives Revolve Around Each Other

 

 

A lot of people believe that their entire world should revolve around their relationship, but if that’s the case, things might be pretty toxic. In a relationship, it’s important that you’re given the space to be an individual, too. If not, your relationship could spiral into unparalleled jealousy, possessiveness, and control issues. 

 

 

5. You’re Blamed For All of Your Spouse’s Problems

 

 

Arguments are inevitable in any relationship; but if your spouse always has a way of twisting and turning everything onto you, it might be time to run. Many times you might not even notice that your partner has made you their source of blame; projecting any negative occurrences onto you. 

 

 

6. You Spend More Time with Your Kids Individually Than You Do As A Couple

 

 

If you have children, how much time you spend alone with your kids vs. together with your partner and kids can be a useful indicator as to whether or not you’re in a healthy relationship.

 

Of course, there’s nothing wrong with parents spending individual time with their children; but if you’re doing so more often than you’re spending time with them as a couple, it could indicate that there’s trouble brewing. People in a happy, healthy, and loving marriage usually involve the whole family in their activities, rather than dividing up their time with their children.

 

 

7. Your Partner is Overly Demanding of Your Attention

 

 

Being excessively demanding of your partner’s time, attention, and energy is just as bad as not paying attention to them at all. Your partner needs to know when to give you space, not pushing you or becoming too much. Of course, there’s a time and place to be assertive, but there are also times when it pays off to back off a bit.

 

 

8. You’re Unable To Relax or Be Yourself Around Your Significant Other

 

 

Your relationship should be a safe haven where you feel 100% comfortable. If you always feel on edge and are unable to relax around your partner, it could mean there’s an issue under the surface.You can’t be truly happy in a marriage if you feel unable to be your true and authentic self. If you ever feel as though you’re walking on eggshells around your partner, or constantly second-guessing yourself, you could be in a toxic relationship.

 

 

9. Your Friends Are Seriously Concerned About Your Marriage

 

 

While at times it is true that you should not listen to what other people have to say about your relationship, when it comes from people you trust and know have your best interests at heart, it’s probably worth listening to their opinion.

 

Remember that nobody is perfect, but if you find that people who care about you are frequently voicing concerns about your relationship, it might be time to face the reality that there could be a real problem.

 

 

10. You Don’t Get Mutual Agreement From One Another About (Big or Small) Decisions

 

 

If your partner doesn’t take your feelings and thoughts into account when making decisions, don’t just brush it off. When your spouse begins to feel as though they don’t need to give you a courtesy call or send you a text message to let you know of any plan changes, it could mean that they’ve started taking you for granted a bit. This brings a toxic “me” mentality to the fore, rather of an “us” mentality when it comes to your relationship.

 

 

11. You Constantly Feel The Need To Defend Yourself

 

 

Are you always “on guard” in your marriage? Are you always feeling on the defensive? A continuous defensive state is a reaction to experiencing excessive criticism from your spouse. When a relationship becomes toxic, the criticism you are intuitively defending yourself against may come off as being passive-aggressive. This makes things feel even more frustrating and complicated since it’s more difficult to identify exactly why you’re acting in such ways!

 

 

12. You Avoid Going Home

 

 

When a marriage starts to become toxic, you may find yourself avoiding your home, staying later and longer hours at work, or finding any other kinds of excuses just to leave the house. Rather than taking control and facing the uncomfortable feelings you have towards your spouse, you might subconsciously attempt to separate yourself from the negative energy in your toxic relationship as much as you can.

 

 

13. You Don’t Open Up To Your Partner for Emotional Support

 

 

In a healthy marriage, your partner is generally the one you turn to when other things in your life are going wrong; but if you find yourself easily confiding in anyone other than your spouse, you could be trying to find a connection that you feel is lacking within your relationship — or was possibly never even there to start with. Feeling unsafe, physically or emotionally, in your relationship could be some key signs that it’s an unhealthy one.

 

 

14. You’ve Lost Your Sense of Self-Worth

 

 

Playful joking or at least some constructive criticism every now and then are totally fine, but it doesn’t mean that your partner should continuously be putting you down. If this “criticism” slowly causes a decline in your self-worth, you could be in a toxic marriage. A supportive marriage should be built on the foundation of you being your partner’s number one fan! Fights and arguments will undoubtedly occur, but they should always end in unity between you and your partner. Harsh words should never be used with the intention of chipping away at your one self-worth. Healthy conflict is centred around the fact that you and your spouse are “on the same team”. Make sure you’re consistently working together to strengthen your relationship at all times.

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Sigurd Henrik Vedal is an American-Norwegian entrepreneur; investor; e-commerce- and social media specialist; life, business and relationship coach; and public speaker.

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