Do you want to be 100% emotionally fulfilled in your relationship? If you answered “yes”, let’s break things down.
It may or may not surprise you to hear this, but it turns out that the number one thing couples fight about is absolutely nothing! Yes, it’s true. They usually fight about the failure to connect with one another emotionally.
Every couple has a Love Flame. When you turn towards your partner’s attempts at intimacy and connection, you pour gasoline over the Flame. When you turn away, you pour water over the flame. When the flame burns out, it means you’re in trouble.
Results from a study conducted on a group of newlywed couples reveal that those who stayed married turned toward their partner’s bids for emotional connection 86% of the time. On the other hand, those couples who got divorced only averaged around 33%.
The difference between happy and unhappy couples is in how much attention they pay to the Love Flame in their relationship.
The great thing is that you have the power to change your relationship by changing how you make, and respond to, bids for connection with your spouse.
A truly emotionally wealthy marriage is cultivated through a consistent daily routine of highly positive habits and interactions. For many couples, just realising that they shouldn’t take their everyday interactions for granted makes a massive difference in their relationship.
So, without further ado, below are five science-backed ways to create a wealth of love, passion, intimacy, and romance in your marriage.
Express Your Appreciation Daily
Write down (either in a journal or as a list in your Notes) all the ways that your significant other has turned towards you, like: “calling me during lunch break to check how the meeting went,” or “going on a sunset beach walk with me.” The point of this is to consciously take note of all the times your partner pours gasoline over the Love Flame, and then to duly express appreciation for them.
More often than not, couples ignore one another’s emotional needs due to unconscious thinking, not because they’re trying to hurt the other person. So remember to be mindful of your spouse’s attempts at connecting with you, and turn fully towards them. It is this kind of behaviour which will make them feel seen, heard, and valued by you.
Talk About Your Stress
A research study shows that the crossover of external life stress into one’s intimate relationship is the single biggest reason why many couples relapse about two years after receiving marriage counselling. Tip: Set aside one-on-one time each day with your partner where you commit to having a “stress reducing conversation” about what’s going on in your respective lives. This is probably one the most important conversations that any couple can have.
Kiss your partner. Holding his or her hand. Cuddling with your significant other. Why? Because these are all opportunities to pour gasoline over the Love Flame! Fun fact: A study of over than 70,000 people in 24 countries found that couples who have an amazing sex life kiss each other randomly and passionately for no apparent reason. It was also found that they cuddle frequently, and are mindful about turning towards their partner’s bids at connection.
When your significant other complains to you in some way or another, make sure they know that you can understand why they’re feeling frustrated. Equally, if they’re feeling happy about something that happened earlier that day, share in their excitement with them! We all feel loved when we feel heard and understood by our loved ones. 🥰
If your Love Flame is not burning so bright and high right now, begin today by actively taking note of your spouse’s bids for love and affection. Turn towards them fully; time after time.
Over time, your interactions will mould your relationship until your Love Flame represents the wealth of love and respect you have for one another. If you’re serious about saving your relationship for the long-term, take a look at The Love Flame Method for a step-by-step guide on how to create love and passion that is timeless! 🔥