Being betrayed in an intimate relationship can be excruciating; so when in recovery you could really benefit from insights that assist you in moving into a space of self-care, self-love, and compassion.
The emotional distress and overwhelming feelings that come along with infidelity render self-care a number one priority in the recovery process.
Before you found out about the affair, you might have had suspicions that something wasn’t quite right. Your partner may have been acting out of character. Maybe you questioned him or her, asking: “Is everything okay with you?” Maybe you openly wondered about a certain type of behaviour, like, “Why are you, all of a sudden, carrying your phone around with you wherever you go?”
In these cases, if you were met with repeated denials by your partner, things can become quite disorienting. Your gut is telling you that you should be worried, yet your spouse might be assuring and convincing you that you have absolutely nothing to worry about.
Attending couples therapy (check out The Love Flame Method) can be an effective way to help couples heal from the trauma of infidelity, but the betrayed partner often needs a little bit of extra support to help with all the emotional upheaval.
Give yourself permission to set daily intentions for self-care, as this can go a long way in helping you through this painful period. So, here are my 5 Tips To Recover From An Affair After Being Betrayed:
1. Allow Yourself To Grieve
After finding out about the affair, it’s pretty common for you to feel as though you’re losing your emotional grounding. The life you thought you knew has quickly disintegrated, and you can find yourself feeling lost. It can feel like you’re being swept away by hopelessness, despair, anger, anxiety, and overall conflicting feelings.
It’s crucial to know that all your emotional experiences are a completely normal reaction to traumatic events. Grief is one of the most common and overlooked reactions to cheating. Even if you and your partner successfully rebuild things, the fact is that the relationship you once knew has changed.
Identifying your feelings as a form of grief can help you find your emotional centre when you need it most.
2. Stop With The Self-Blame
If you already struggle with self-esteem issues, these can become intensified after finding out your spouse has been unfaithful. The belief that you are the one responsible for their infidelity because you’re lacking something is a form of self-sabotage that has no place in your healing process!
Awareness is a critical step in quieting your self-sabotaging voice. Create self-statements – in the form of thoughts that you repeat to yourself – that point you in the opposite direction of any self-blaming thoughts.
3. Pay Attention To Your Needs
As your insecurities soar, it’s easy to become completely focused on your spouse — so much so to the point that it completely consumes you. This could be in the form of worries that your partner is still having the affair, or fears that you need to do everything by meeting all your partner’s needs in order to make him or her satisfied.
In these cases, the danger lies in you entirely forgetting about your own needs in an attempt to “save” your marriage. This approach is not the remedy it might seem though; and instead, it’s largely detrimental to your health and the wellbeing of your relationship. Don’t forget to pay attention to your needs and create a self-care plan!
4. Hold Back on Making Major Decisions
When your emotions are running high, you’re more likely to make extreme decisions — more specifically, decisions you might regret at a later stage. Lots of people struggle between deciding to end their relationship, or working to see if a good and healthy relationship can be recreated.
Remember, impulsive choices can undermine an underlying intention to work on the relationship. Having said that, you should never delay decisions with regards to leaving an abusive relationship!
5. Reach Out To Others (You’re Not Alone!)
You might think that affairs only happen to super dysfunctional marriages or relationships, or to those who have zero morals; but the truth is: cheating also happens to seemingly “happy marriages”.
Many people feel ashamed or humiliated that their spouse cheated on them, and it’s these kinds of feelings that often prevent them from reaching out to trusted family members, friends, or even mental health professionals who specialise in infidelity recovery.
Finding the right kind of support that you need can be tough; but when you do find it, you can rest assured knowing that it can be crucial to getting through this challenging time.
Couples often feel hopeless after the trauma and emotional draining caused by an affair; but with time, effort, and a plan — rebuilding your marriage is possible! Don’t delay; start your journey with The Love Flame Method today. ❤️🔥