Love is not truly cultivated through extravagant and monumental actions; love is cultivated during the grind of daily life. It’s the seemingly small and insignificant moments of connection that are often the most meaningful moments of all.
In relationships, people make little attempts for one another’s attention, support, or affection. These connection attempts can be as simple as asking your partner to please pick something up for dinner on their way home, to something more complex like helping your partner deal with the struggles of losing a parent.
These moments offer a choice whereby you can either turn towards your partner or turn away from them. If you turn towards your partner, you build trust, emotional connection, and red-hot passion!
The Love Flame
Each time you and your spouse turn towards each other, you pour gasoline over what I call The Love Flame. Every connected moment in your relationship keeps the Flame burning a little longer and brighter.
If a couple generally adds more gasoline than water over their Love Flame, they’re less likely to distrust each other when times get hard; but if their Love Flame is dwindling as a result of disconnection, then trust and intimacy begin to dissipate.
So, without further ado, here are The 3 Best Steps to Help You Passionately Reconnect with Your Partner by pouring gasoline over your Love Flame:
1. Accept Your Partner’s Attempts At Connection
Couples too often ignore one another’s emotional needs — not out of spite, but rather out of mindlessness.
The first step to feeling more connected with your significant other is to recognise how crucial the smallest moments truly are. This is important for fostering trust, romance, and intimacy in your marriage.
Do not take daily interactions for granted. Helping out with cooking or doing a bit of housework will do so much more for your marriage than a luxurious holiday in the Bahamas!
Sometimes we miss these connection attempts because our partner says or does things in a largely negative way. For example, a wife might say to her husband, “It never crosses your mind to take the initiative to take the trash out, does it?”
The husband does not hear the bid (i.e. “Please take the trash out”); instead, he hears criticism. For this reason, it’s really not surprising that he might get defensive and reply accordingly.
If the husband had said, “Oh, you’re right. I’m sorry,” and then proceeded to take out the trash, he would have scored a gold star in his wife’s books, and she might have realised her tone of voice was rather unnecessary.
Try to be the bigger person. Before you reply defensively to your partner, stop for a moment and try to see if you can find the attempt at connection somewhere in their words. If, however, you feel that their attempts are constantly wrapped in criticism in your relationship, I’d recommend investing in The Love Flame Method course.
2. Map Out Each Other’s Emotional Needs
Couples frequently assume that their partner always feels heard and understood. The secret to genuinely understanding your partner does not arise as a result of mindreading, but rather through the hard work of allowing your partner to share things with you, openly and honestly.
Do you know your partner’s deepest emotional needs and desires? Are you aware of their biggest worries and stressors right now? What are their greatest dreams, hopes, and aspirations? What are their main goals for the year ahead?
In a relationship, the key to truly understanding one another is to:
- Ask questions
- Remember the answers
- Continue to ask questions
Getting to know your partner better and sharing your own inner self is a lifelong process! Your partner’s favourite movie might not be the same as it was five years ago!
The better the questions you seek to find the answers to, the bigger the emotional investment the two of you make into growing your Love Flame.
3. Build a Culture of Appreciation and Respect
We all have downsides to personality, but instead of focusing on all of your partner’s inadequacies, learn to wholeheartedly accept them!
When you are ready and able to, express all that you value and appreciate about your significant other. Try and find a moment where you find your partner doing something right, and then explicitly thank them for it.
Every time you engage in such behaviour, your partner will feel more of an emotional connection to you. The result? You’re pouring gasoline over the Love Flame of your relationship.