What does it mean to accept your partner’s influence; and how exactly can you do it?
Yielding in order to win means accepting, understanding, and inviting your partner’s perspective, feelings, and needs into your decision-making process as a couple. It means truly listening to your spouse, and forming compromises so that both of you feel mutually satisfied with the outcomes.
So, I guess you can look at it more like yielding in order to reach a win-win. 😉
In a study conducted of 130 newlywed couples, it was found that men who allow their wives to “influence” them, as mentioned above, have happier marriages and are less likely to split up!
Rejecting Your Partner’s Influence is Dangerous
Marriage can 100% survive moments of anger, criticism, and complaining in healthy and respectful ways. In fact, through conflict, marriage can even flourish; as conflict provides an opportunity for growth as a couple. But where couples step into the danger zone is when they match negativity with negativity, rather than attempting to make a repair at de-escalating the conflict.
Counterattacking your partner during an argument does not solve the issue or help to reach a compromise; instead it puts a wall up to your partner’s influence in the decision-making process.
Research reveals that around 65% of men actually increase their negativity during an argument; and John Gottman’s Four Horsemen – criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling – are surefire signs that a man is rejecting his woman’s influence.
Men and women are different, so it’s natural to expect that there are also differences in how men and women perceive and experience conflict. It takes two people in order to make a relationship work, and it’s crucial for every couple to respect all aspects of their relationship. It is interesting to note that research further indicates that the majority of wives – even in unhappy marriages – actually already do this!
Of course, that’s not to say that women don’t get riled up and even disrespectful towards their husbands; all it means is that they tend to allow their husbands to influence their decision making by taking their feelings and opinions into consideration.
As data suggests, though, unfortunately the same cannot be said for the majority of men. In fact, it’s shown that if a husband does not accept their wife’s influence, there is an 81% chance that their marriage will collapse.
📢Men, listen up: The time to yield to win-win is now!
What Men Can Learn from Women
As mentioned earlier, men and women are wired differently, and they often feel very different from one another.
The differences usually begin in childhood. When boys play games, they are conditioned to be competitive and keep their focus on winning — not on their emotions or the other people playing the game. If a boy gets hurt, he is removed from the game and ignored. This is something clearly evident in team sports. Sure, someone might come to help carry the injured player off the field, but the game will go on.
In John Gottman’s book, The Seven Principle for Making Marriage Work, he explains that “the truth is that ‘girlish’ games offer far better preparation for marriage and family life because they focus on relationships.” Now this is not so much an issue of gender roles, but rather one of learning emotional intelligence.
Step 1: Develop Emotional Intelligence
A husband who is lacking in the EQ department will typically reject his wife’s influence because he fears losing his power. Consequently, because he is unwilling to accept her influence, the dynamic will turn into a gridlock.
Alternatively, a husband who is emotionally intelligent is interested and in-tune with his spouse’s emotions because he deeply respects and honours her. Even though the husband might not express his emotions in the same way his wife does, he will learn how to better connect with her by genuinely listening to and validating her perspective, getting a better understanding of her needs, and expressing his empathy towards her.
When his partner needs to talk about something, an emotionally intelligent husband will put aside whatever he’s doing, and make time to mindfully talk to her. He will choose “we” over “me” — exhibiting a strong sense of solidarity between the couple. He will endeavour to understand his partner’s inner world as much as he can, and he will communicate this respect by turning towards her attempts at connection.
The results? His relationship, sex life, and overall happiness will be much greater than a man who lacks EQ. 🔥
What’s more, is when it comes to parenting, an emotionally intelligent husband can be more of a supportive and empathetic father as he is not afraid to identify and express his innermost emotions. The couple can teach their kids to understand and respect their emotions; and they will, in turn, be validating their children’s emotions.
How to Wholeheartedly Accept Influence
It’s highly probable that the majority of men who reject their wives’ influence do so without really realising they are doing so. But now that you’re aware and conspicuous of this common masculine trait, I really encourage you to practice and learn how to accept influence. This is both a mindset and a skill cultivated by supporting and paying attention to your wife every single day. This involves working on 3 emotional connection tactics: map out each other’s emotional needs, building a culture of respect and appreciation, and accepting attempts at connection.
When conflict does inevitably arise, the key is to:
✔️Attentively listen to your wife’s point of view
✔️Let her know that you understand her
✔️Ask her what she needs
✔️Be willing to compromise
A great way to do this is for each of you to identify your core emotional needs, and then try and find – together – points where those needs overlap. From there on out you will be able to find a kind of common ground upon which you can make decisions unanimously.
So that, gentlemen, is how you accept your wives’ influence. If you want to have a happy and stable marriage, make your commitment to your significant other more important than your commitment to winning.
If you do this — you win, your partner wins, and, most importantly, your marriage thrives!